You have the choice.
Animals and AAT might not be a good fit for you. I understand. You have the choice to decide what treatments and what you want in your life--regardless if it works for me or anyone else.
A couple of months ago, I walked into my local library to pick up a book. I had just visited the senior center1. I had my little guy in my arms. The young man at the counter looked up alarmed and said, "I'm deathly afraid of dogs."
I quickly took my little dog back to the car. When I returned, he apologize profusely. He stammered and said, my father tortured us with his dog. I held up my hand and said, "No need to explain. All is well."
As I drove home, my eyes misted as I thought of the utter fear on this young man's face. I thought of a women in one of my sexual abuse survivors’ groups. A father torturing his children with a dog was something I'd heard before. This woman was in her 50s at the time. She told of her abusive childhood home. He father elevated their dog to higher stature than any of the children. If the dog came into a room, the children had to leave. The dog sat at the kitchen table with the man. The children had to eat in another room. If she misbehaved, with such benign transgressions as asking for another piece of meatloaf, the woman had to eat it in the dog bowl on the floor.
The dog growled at the children if they threatened to misbehave. She received numerous bites from the dog, ordered by the father for other minor transgressions.
The woman was terrified of dogs. I would be too.
Revolting. I know, I know, two wrongs don't make a right. And, I think an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind, but even now, I wish I could punch that man. I am most familiar with Christ's teachings, and therefore I rely on that philosophy as my goal of living the best life I can, but sometimes.....I really want to punch a perp. Knock his teeth out.2
There is a popular cliche with dog people: There are no bad dogs. Only bad owners. In this case, and many like it, it's the people not the dogs. The dogs are trained to do as their owner commands.
There are people who commit evil actions, using good things, and even using good people and/or animals. I know this. And, to those who have been tormented by evil people using a good thing: You can heal. You can continue releasing the "ball and chain"3 of the torment that imprisoned you.
And, no, you don't have to get a dog. You don't even have to get AAT (Animal Assisted Therapy). You can still heal, recover, and grow in your own unique way. To others, who were not abused in this fashion, as I mentioned yesterday, animals can be a great source of love and support.
Always remember, this is about you and your healing. You don't have to do anything that works for me or anyone else. A professional therapist can help you prioritize the elements that will help you heal, recover and grow.
This is part 2 of 3. The next segment will probably have a pay wall on it, because it is so personal to me. It's one of the most painful things of my life. I can barely start writing about it, without tearing up. It's about my little dog, Maggie. Given to me when I was 13 years old, whom I failed. I failed her miserably. A pain I carry with me, still.
I wouldn't, even if I saw him now. Thankfully he's probably long gone. The woman who relayed her childhood terror is probably in her 70-80s now. I hope. She was on her way to shedding the layers of trauma of her childhood. I hope, she's living a meaningful, relatively peaceful life now. I hope.