"What's a bad day for you now?"
Even the so-so tedious days are beautiful.
A few years ago, Elizabeth Smart interviewed me for Warner Brothers Studios.1 One of the questions she asked was, "What’s a bad day for you now?"
Now, I have typical bad days. I think it's like everyone has. The dog gets out, a customer complains, I misplace my keys, I have to go to the Doctor's office or DMV. Just normal stuff. I also have the normal heartbreaks: someone I love dies, a serious health diagnosis, I watch a friend suffer needlessly, and so forth.
Healing isn't about some fantasy "happily ever after." It isn't about being able to achieve such greatness that you'll go down in history for that success. It's about living fully each and every day. With the simple joys, boring inconveniences, and day to day ups and downs.
Right now, I'm at the doctor's office. Not my favorite. I'd much rather be on the ski slopes complaining about the lack of snow.2 I'm in the waiting area, there's a young family a few seats away. The little girl is watching me. Occasionally, I look up and smile at her. She shyly hides behind the back of her seat. The mother looks up and smiles at me also. A few rows to my right there's an older couple. It appears the wife has accompanied her ailing husband who is loudly complaining about the long wait. She's embarrassed because he's so loud and negative. I smile at her as if to say, "Don't worry, no one cares." And no one does. We're all here, waiting for whatever it is we are waiting for at the doctor's office. And, how wonderful it is that we can be here? That we have medical care. That we get to wait for it, in this cushy chairs with a view of the snowy mountains. It's worth the wait.
Overall, today is a so-so day for me. Not my favorite. But I'm content. I think of children living in terror. I glance at the sign posted in the waiting area, "Did you know your relationships can affect your health?"
I snap a pic of it. Many watch me do it. I snap it with the intent of adding it to this post. This pic is for anyone still in a hellish situation. Even survivors of childhood abuse can end up in the trap of domestic violence. If you are, pleasae can the QR codes or call the numbers on this pic:
I notice a woman in the far corner is anxiously picking at her nails. I try to give her a smile. She quickly looks away. She probably assumes my smile was intended for someone else.
In the doctor's office, I notice my doctor is wearing a mask. I ask if she'd like me to wear one also. She thanks me for asking. She says that most people verbally accost her because COVID is over. I shake my head in dismay. Life is hard enough without creating more problems or making problems for other people. My doctor looks up and says, "You are so kind." I smile, why not? Why not be kind? You get to see the very best of people when you are kind.
She says we have the same philosophy. She said that sometimes her patients are demanding. I say, "Sometimes when people are in pain, they are unkind."
The doctor agrees. She says that even when she's at a restaurant she sees people treating the staff and servers rudely. I've seen it also. I don't understand. I tell my doctor that I believe the ol' cliche, "You attract more with honey than vinegar." She laughs.
I'm now in the waiting area to get some blood tests. I see the anxious woman leave her appointment. She's wiping away tears. Immediately, I assume she's been given bad news. No one else seems to notice. I want to tell her she's not alone. I decide not to intrude on her private moment. I watch her walk to her car. I hope she knows: She's not alone.
I flash back to my breast cancer diagnosis. I felt shell shocked. I'm sure I looked similar. I didn't cry until I got home. Those cancer treatments were an arduous process. I'm not sure what was worse, the surgery or the chemo. None of it was as bad as the pain I suffered as a child being sexual abused.
My doctor's visit is superb. Everything is the same. Incredible news and my heart skips a beat with utter joy. I stop at Zaos' on my way home. As I'm ordering, I try to connect with each person in the assembly line. I'm acutely aware that each person has a darker pigmentation in their skin than my fair skin. I ask each one how they are doing. If they had a good Christmas. And, I wish each one a Happy New Year. I leave seeing 5 separate smiles and waves.
I get into my car and think, "You have done unto the least of these you have done unto me."
Not a horrific day, but not necessarily a blue bird day.3 I'm grateful. Even the so-so tedious days are beautiful.
There is an extensive synopsis of that interview in Paperdolls &Â Cowboy Boots.
What a spectacular thing to complain about! Being in the pristine mountains, making turns and wishing for slightly more for perfection? Okay, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't complain, but I was trying to make a point that nothing is perfect.
Blue bird day is a skiing term for almost a perfect day: fresh powder and blue skies!