The first person to speak loses
Silence
This is a post from Paperdolls.Today, under the section “Sales Techniques.” The intent of this section is to help people, particularly the vulnerable such as sexual assault survivors, to understand if and when they might be manipulated by sales techniques. If you wish to unsubscribe or subscribe to any sections of Paperdolls.Today, please follow Substack’s instructions.
The first person to speak loses: Silence
The sales technique today has a special detour for sexual abuse victims, survivors, and those in their support system. ALWAYS SPEAK! Never, never let your abuser or those who wish to silence the atrocity of what happened to you intimidate you, shame you or blame you. SPEAK OUT.
With that said, there is a sales technique that is taught to sales people, especially in "closing situations."
The first person to speak loses.
I personally believe this is out dated. It might have been relevant when I was driving around with my father listening to Zig Zigler, Brian Tracey, Tommy Hopkins about closing the sale. What I took from it back then, was that if your prospect or client is thinking, filling out the paperwork, or writing a check: don't talk. Don't interrupt them.
Interrupting and talking too much is always impolite.
Because I think that this technique is outdated, doesn't mean someone might still hang on to it. It is EXTREMELY awkward to sit in silence in a stand off situation with an aggressive sales person or manipulator. My advice, if you are ever in that situation: Don't answer their "closing question" simply ask for a break. You can always take a break. Don't let the intensity of the situation make you so uncomfortable that you buy or agree to something you don't want to do.
Further Information
In sales training, this technique is such a big deal. Since it is such a big deal, I ran it through an AI writing program. I had to do that, because, well, I just don't believe in it. I simply can't imagine sitting in front of a client, with an awkward silence looming, with the stance that the first person who speaks loses, or is weaker. Anyway, here is the background of the technique, from AI:1
In the high-stakes world of negotiations, the phrase "the first person to speak loses" rings particularly true. When you’re engaged in a hard close, offering a number too early can put you at a significant disadvantage. By being the first to throw out a figure, you inadvertently give the other party leverage. They can respond with objections like “that’s too expensive,” and suddenly, you're on the defensive.
This dynamic highlights an essential truth: whoever needs the deal more often finds themselves in a weaker position. If you lay all your cards on the table upfront, it signals neediness or desperation to win the deal. This not only undermines your negotiating power but also gives your counterpart an opportunity to dictate terms that may not be favorable to you.
Instead of rushing to make an offer, take a step back and assess the situation. By remaining silent or asking open-ended questions about their needs and expectations, you maintain control over the conversation and avoid showing any signs of weakness. Remember, patience is key; those who are willing to hold their ground are often rewarded with better outcomes in negotiations. So next time you're negotiating, keep this principle in mind: let them speak first and watch how it shifts the balance of power in your favor.
I included that AI description, because many sales people just want to make a commission. Manipulators are trying to get you to do something you don't want to do. Nefarious people might use this “the first person to speak, losses” technique.
Again, if you ever find yourself in a rather tense interaction, and someone lays down some big question and doesn't speak, you can always ask for a break.
I know that if they spew out, "Do you love me?" and you pause and ask for a break, it might come across as: “If you have to think about it, you don’t!” However, I think if someone is demanding to know if you love them and it's tense, that might be indicative of a needed break anyway. I'm not a therapist, but goodness, I don't think love should be about pressure and instant demands like that.
Take a break. Take a breath or two or three. You deserve to have time to think, settle down or center up—however you want to phrase it--because you don’t have to instantly respond to any intense demands.
I know many are alarmed about AI. Right now, I’m not. The style in this writing is so dry, I need a cool drink of water! When I was a kid, the neighbor’s had a player piano. It was such fun, and by pushing some pedals we could crank out some great songs. But, it was nothing like an artist’s performance. That’s my current stance of AI: it’s a player piano. A good place to start or to kick out something you really don’t believe it—like I just did about this sales technique.