Privacy and Anonymity
Healing based on AA's successful program
From Alcoholics Anonymous:1
The Twelfth Tradition says that Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.
Understanding Anonymity
Anonymity is often referred to as the greatest single protection the Fellowship has to assure its continued existence and growth. In stressing the equality of all A.A. members — and unity in the common bond of their recovery from alcoholism — anonymity serves as the spiritual foundation of A.A.
Here is AA's pamphlet about the sacred role of anonymity:
Over the weekend, I was notified that apparently an online sleuth has discovered my real identity and is going to publish it.
I follow the principles eloquently highlighted in AA: anonymity is paramount for healing. Especially for victims/survivors of sexual assault. I believe that publishing a victims/survivors identity, without their consent, is another assault. In the 35+ years I have been engaged in actively helping survivors of sexual assault, it has been my experience that those who publicly name victims/survivors without their consent are perpetrators.
Perpetrators who are setting up the victim/survivor to more attacks following abusers’ patterns of DARVO.2
I do not know for a fact that all who name victims/survivors (without their consent) are perpetrators. But, I strongly question their motives.
To the person who is threatening to publicly release my identity: I do not consent to this exposure or publication and view it as yet another violation.
I question this person's motivation. Again, I wouldn't be surprised if this person is a perpetrator or working for a perpetrator organization.
If this person does indeed follow through with this violating action, and you come across this violation online, please look for straw man theories and confirmation bias. If the publication does not include the remarkable account of my father's transformation3. Then this person has not read the book. It would appear that this person is strangely regurgitating cherry picked information for their own pleasure. It is highly probable that this account will be filled with fallacies and dripping with misinformation.
When we decided to re-release the book I wanted to honor Kacie Woody's life. There was extensive discussion with many trusted experts and my support team about including the grave topic of Kacie Woody's murder.
After careful consideration and evaluation, I decided that I still wanted to honor Kacie Woody. I was fully aware that if a nefarious person wanted to discover who I am, they could easily do a search on Kacie's murderer's name, then track my childhood home. I wouldn't give a label to anyone who does that as a "researcher." But, I do wonder about them. Possibly they are motivated by simple morbid curiosity, but I would not be surprised if this someone -- who does this cursory searching--is motivated by something more sinister.
Honoring Kacie Woody's life is still important to me. As we wrote in the dedication page of Paperdolls & Cowboy Boots:
To Kacie Woody
honoring her sacred memory
and the vibrancy of her life.
We will never forget her tragic end.
Paperdolls & Cowboy Boots, pages 213-216
This man exposing you is NOT OKAY! Thank you for all that you do for the survivor/overcomer community. In the end GOD will expose THEM ALL for the evil that they do!
I’m horrified by the person exposing you. As an abuse survivor, I believe that any victim telling any part of their story is extremely brave and more than should ever be expected. We’ve already been violated & lost so much. We don’t need to sacrifice every last ounce of our mental health & safety b/c others in positions of power are corrupt. So many of us are fighting to just survive. How dare they try to lay any blame on an abuse victim? This person needs to focus on changing the systems that keeps victims in fear of speaking out, not blaming victims. What they’ve done in exposing you will only make victims less likely to speak up. I’m so sorry.