On the 12th day of Christmas
my true self gave to me
12 Funny Things that happened prior to the publishing of Paperdolls
11 Don'ts to Remember
10 Ways to Pamper Myself
9 Benefits of Dancing
8 free hours
7 item checklist to find a good therapist
6 Songs for playin'
5 Bold Things
Four Square Breathing
Three fountain pens
Two moments of wonder
And a positive affirmation to start my day
All Together Now
On the 12th day of Christmas1 my true self gave to me:
12 Funny Things that happened prior to the publishing of Paperdolls
11 Don'ts to Remember
10 Ways to Nurture Myself
9 Benefits of Dancing
8 free hours
7 item checklist to find a good therapist
6 Songs for playin'
5 Bold Things
Four Square Breathing
Three fountain pens
Two moments of wonder
And a positive affirmation to start my day.
12 Funny Things that happened prior to the publishing of Paperdolls
Carol was so stunned she ripped open a sweetener packet and put it in her diet coke
This happened when Carol and I were at lunch. She told me that Lorraine and Hank were divorcing. She didn't say anything else, and I spewed out, "He never touched me." Carol was so stunned, she ripped open a packet of sweet & low and dumped it in her Diet Coke.Carol tried to fit into April's casual work attire, and wore angora sweats to an editing session
Carol and I were editing the manuscript. I excused myself to go to the restroom. When I came back, Carol was very excited and exclaimed "While you were in the restroom, I moved the section about your bulimia."
There was a long pause. Carol suddenly got embarrassed. I burst out laughing, shrugged my shoulders and said, "Mm, wonder where you got that idea?"While we were editing, I used a red marker so I could easily see the edits. One time, were were in deep discussion. We adjusted a complicated area. I looked around and said, "Rats, I can't find my red pen!" Carol calmly said, "Look in your hand." Sure enough, I was holding the red pen.
In my first entry, I lead with seeing my brother's face in his coffin and his young, newlywed wife holding his lifeless hand.
While we were editing we took out a section of my actual journal, because it was a bit funny. In kind of that nervous, dark humor kind of way.
We took out the part of my journal entry describing my darling sister-in-law saying, "Tom would just die if he knew I had an open casket."
The visitors would look stunned. They really didn't know what to say. "Yeah, I guess he would die if he knew." Just wouldn't cut it. When Tom is lying there in his own casket.
In my journal entry, I wrote how sad it was that she was so shocked she didn't quite realize what she was saying. I also described that I'd try to remind her to not say that "Tom would just die" because she was scaring the visitors. My sister in law and I laughed as I reminded her. Then, we'd have to get very solemn because there was an entire line of people waiting to greet her.
Anyway, the recording of our laughter at that incredibly sad time was simply too hard to convey, and we didn't want Paperdolls: Healing from Sexual Abuse in Mormon Neighborhoods started out with any smiles or laughter.We were getting ready for a television interview. The cameraman came in and said, "Did one of the sound guys get the mics on you?" We both shook are heads "No." The cameraman said, "Damn they are out there talking again. They are so incestuous."
Carol looked right at him and said, "Do you need help getting your foot out of your mouth?"
We never saw him again.
A different camera person took over the shoot.
After the recording was done, we told the reporter who was interviewing us. We laughed until we had tears in our eyes. I bet that station still tells that story.Speaking of that same faux pas, one of the national authorities on Child Abuse was doing an interview on a national television program about Paperdolls. This leading authority had read the book, and wanted to meet with us for a couple of follow up questions. Before the national media interview, we met with her, and answered all her questions. Then, we told her about the camera guy's "Freudian slip" on the incest comment about his co-workers. We all got a good laugh out of it.
Days later, she was in the "green room" at the national television station, they put a hot mic on her. There upon this national leader on childhood sexual abuse proceeded to tell the story of the poor local (Utah) television camera guy and his incestuous comment. Everyone in the New York studio laughed. One studio worker said, "that's the worst camera crew story I've heard." Fortunately, the big footed cameraguy story didn't make it to the final national news segment on our book. However, many people got a good laugh out at the Utah local news camera guy's Freudian Slip.Long before I left my family's bank, I met with each of my family members. I told them that Karen Fisher thought it would be a wonderful gift to survivors if I gather together all my writings, journals, writings, workbook exercises, and so forth. Then, organized them in a chronological order. I explained that Karen wanted to write the certain sections in so that the reader could better understand what was happening with me. Then, we'd compile it and publish it as a gift to other survivors. I relayed Karen's description that it showed the healing process from beginning to end.
All of my family members applauded this effort. My brother said, "I have complete peace of mind about this."
Shortly before the book came out. Carol asked how my family would react. Via my mother, I knew that some of the siblings were miffed because of the business. I had received a really nasty note from my sister-in-law. Then, they didn't want me at Gramps's big birthday celebration. But, I thought it was all business related. As far as I knew they were still supportive of my efforts in championing the family healing process.2
At any rate, when Carol wondered about my family and the book's publication, I told her about my brother stating he had "complete peace of mind about it."
Shortly after I said it, Carol said, "I wonder which piece?"
Oh, goodness, we both burst out laughing. Even now, when I think of her dry wit and delivery, I laugh.Number 9 - 12 Goes to Karen Fisher:
I showed up to Karen Fisher's office for my therapy appointment with one black shoe on and one blue shoe on. The shoes had different heal heights! I must have wobbled to my car, drove to her office, and limped in without even noticing the height of my shoes or the color. Karen didn't say a word until I bent over and saw my shoes.
I burst out laughing and said, "I have on two totally different shoes."We both laughed.
Then, I smiled and said, "Oh no, they are NOT different shoes." And feigned a feeble attempt to deny the obvious.
Karen picked right up on my play on the denial coping mechanism.
She said, "Well, you could project blame for those shoes on someone else. Did your dogs mix up your shoes?"
Then, she continued in a rapid improvisation:"Or...you could try to isolate and conceal those shoes by hiding them under the couch."
"Or...you could ruminate and overthink on the color combinations of shoes today."
"Or you could feign helplessness because of our exhausting therapy prohibiting you from understanding a matching pair of shoes."
I was laughing so hard my sides hurt. I finally held my hands up and surrendered and said, "I'm responsible. I didn't notice my own mismatching shoes and it's funny that I didn't notice!"
Description (no batteries required):
Please remember that good humor3 can help ease tension and anxiety. These last 12 days have been fun. I hope as you go into the Christmas weekend, you'll have some reminders and possibly a couple of additional tools to ease any stress or angnst. If you are lonely, I hope #10 helps you develop your own list of activities you can do, to help nurture your soul.
For those mathematically inclined, I know today is on December 23. Please remember, I'm of Norwegian descent. We celebrate Christmas on Christmas Eve.4 Also, this gives you a smidge more time to prepare for any likely stressful gatherings, so that you might be able to relax and possibly even enjoy them a bit.
Please drop me a note, if you need any support or encouragement.
I understand not all celebrate Christmas, or even believe in God. However, for the sake of simple communication, I ask for your understanding of my play on a well known Christmas Carol to give you 12 days of humorous prompts to support you through this holiday season.
That was my brother’s phrase during the family therapy meeting.
I added this quote to the humor section of Paperdolls.Today:
"Good humor is a tonic for mind and body. It is the best antidote for anxiety and depression. It is a business asset. It attracts and keeps friends. It lightens human burdens. It is the direct route to serenity and contentment." --Grenville Kleiser
By good humor, I mean humor that doesn't hurt anyone. Not the biting, blaming sarcastic humor that belittles and hurts. That's not even funny. I'm talking about humor that is joyous and fun. Occasionally, with good humor there are some truths that soothe the soul.
Angora sweats 🤣