"In Mormon Neighbors"
Why I agreed to have Mormon in the subtitle of "Paperdolls"
My motivation for writing Paperdolls has always been about healing. In Paperdolls & Cowboy Boots, via selected entries from my journals, I provide my journal entries of the conversations and events the lead to the book and the extraordinary events to lead to my partnering with my friends's mother, Carol Scott.
At first I didn't want to word "Mormon" in the subtitle. I didn't want others to think it was a "Mormon" book or that it would only be applicable for survivor's of childhood sexual abuse who were LDS. Childhood Sexual Abuse is not just a Mormon issue. It's not just a daycare issue. It's not just a Penn State Football issue. It's not just a poverty issue. It's not just a affluent people's issue. It's everywhere.
I agreed to it, because I soon realized that some naive folks--thought the being part of the LDS Church protected children from such atrocities. 1
My co-author had deeper more profound reasons for insisting that the word Mormon be in the title. At the time of the abuse of her children and grandchildren, her entire family was extremely active in the LDS Church. They truly believed that the LDS Church's support and disciplinary process was more important that gentile courts. When the Church did nothing for them, and actively blocked the civil public safety measures--her husband felt such spiritual betrayal he took his gun away because he feared he'd end his own life.2
A couple of weeks ago I met a friend for brunch. Her sister read Paperdolls & Cowboy Boots, and was furious about cover-up by the LDS Church.
I was surprised. But, then I wasn't. The reader brings their own experiences when reading anything. I've learned, even our book, Paperdolls & Cowboy Boots, bring various interpretation on the messages we wished to convey. Mine was always healing, regardless of religion, race, or socio-economic background. Childhood sexual abuse happens everywhere. Survivors can heal.
Secondary, for me, was to bring awareness of the problem. And, maybe, maybe that awareness could help our society as a whole eliminate the problem.
Many, like my friend's sister, and even members of my co-authors family wanted to expose the denial and cover-ups erected to mask the known problem in the LDS Church. That stance was evident in my co-author's section of the book.
Do I believe my co-author? Yes. Can I attest that everything conveyed in Carol's section of the book, happened? No, I wasn't there. However, I believe them because I saw and heard the victims/survivors later. And yes, I believe it because the Stake President in Carol's portion of the book told me directly, "I couldn't expose the Church to that much liability."
For me, that's not hearsay. That's a confession. One guy, for sure, was inept and did not take action. Maybe he did more. Maybe it went higher. I don't know.
Since the re-release of Paperdolls & Cowboy Boots, I've encountered many who want to blow up the institutional walls of the LDS Church. I thought maybe those had experiences like my co-author and her family, or even the friend's sister with whom I recently had brunch. Then, a couple of weeks ago, I read an article entitled, "I convinced my Gen Z kids to watch 'Dead Poets Society' and their angry reactions surprised me."
I saw Dead Poets Society with my Mother in 1989.3 The movie deeply moved me. I relished the message of "Carpe diem" and the passion of poetry and human connection. It seems I had a similar reaction as the author Annie Renau, who wrote about her children watching the movie. I was also surprised at the younger generation's reaction to the movie.
Yes, they were touched. But they were furious that nothing happened to the boys' school where the movie was set.
"'The first thing my 20-year-old said when the credits rolled was, "What? That's terrible! Nothing changed! He got fired and the school is still run by a bunch of stodgy old white men forcing everyone to conform!'"
As I watched Dead Poets Society, the thought about the stodgy old white men NEVER CROSSED MY MIND. My response was much more like the author's:
"'Yeah, but he changed those boys' individual lives, didn't he? He helped broaden their minds and see the world differently.'"
Since reading this article about a movie I have so loved, I've wondered, "Is my ardent pursuit to help individual survivors heal part of my generation?"
Maybe. Maybe more than I think because I'm sharing it with you now.
For now, I've been given an insight into myself and possibly an insight into institutional inertia that might need a bit more energy to change directions, accelerate or even grow. 4
For me, I will continue focusing my energy to helping individual survivors. It's what I know. And, the only think I know for sure is that if I can do it anyone can.
Please stay on this earth. Keep healing, growing and recovering. Life is beautifully authentic and sacred. It's worth it to heal.
See Paperdolls & Cowboy Boots, p 113
See Paperdolls & Cowboy Boots, p 99
I too absolutely love that movie and parts were a big help when one of my kids struggled with mental health. I haven’t a clue how I came across your Substack but I’ve truly appreciated your writing as this hit on more notes than one for me with multiple of my children.
Bless you for your work and strength to share with others that life can be better than your past