“I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down”
The real meaning of Mary Oliver's Poem: The Summer Day
This post was originally published in November 2023, shortly after I watched the movie, Nyad, about the long distance swimmer who was sexually abused as a child, and as an adult was the first person to swim from Cuba to Florida not protected by a shark cage.
I’m currently active on a wonderful substack chat, Trauma to Strength. Last night, I read a poignant comment from one of the participants:
"...having a ‘purpose’ isn't some grandiose earth shattering attainment. It can be small, it can be many small purposes. This morning I walked my neighbour's dog..."
Yes, yes, yes!
I wrote back in agreement. In my response, I mentioned my reaction when I watched the movie Nyad. Hence the repurposing of this original post from 2023:
NYAD
When I watched NYAD1, the movie about the famous long-distance swimmer, Diana Nyad. There were many things that I liked. The movie’s portrayal of Diana Nyad's will to succeed was inspiring. Not for me but inspiring for her. I loved that it took an entire team to help her. Her feat wasn't achieved by her determination and will alone. She couldn't have done it as a solo effort.
What the movie got wrong
However, I flinched when one of main pinnacles of her motivation was a well-known and greatly misinterpreted line from Mary Oliver's poem, "The Summer Day."2
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
In the movie, it was implied one must do something extraordinary, that no one else has ever done, to fulfill Mary Oliver’s question about what you will do with your one wild and precious life.
Humans Beings are not just human doings
In many ways, I admire those adrenaline junkies with wild ambitions that are never satisfied with their achievements. However, I flinch when this type of outlandish ambition is provided as a goal for sexual abuse survivors. You see, many victims and survivors are told repeatedly that they are worthless unless they....
DO SOMETHING.
When, all of us, especially sexual abuse survivors are valuable for being alive. Life is extraordinary and not one person is ordinary. See CS Lewis’s Quote I cited here.
We are not human doings. We are human beings. We can just be. And that's a sacred miracle.
Doings do not bring fulfillment, meaning, long term peace and happiness. Just ask Michael Phelps, the greatest Olympian of all time, about that. I referred to Michael Phelps’s struggles with depression in the Hardwiring Happiness missive.
My personal reaction was strong because I identified with Nyad’s shame and feeling of worthlessness
As an added "flinch" for me with the movie Nyad, was that several times in the movie, it is shown that Diana Nyad was sexually abused by her father. It was implied in the movie that her angst with her father was one of her motivators. Well, that's all fine. I get it: Been there done that, as my overflowing trophy case and awards can attest. For a time, I was ashamed of all my awards and achievements.
I realized I was simply trying to sugar coat and cover up my shame with awards and trophies.
I’m not ashamed anymore.
It's part of me. It's who I am. It was one way for me to muddle out of the toxic shame and murk lingering in my soul from my childhood.
Now, it's okay. If I want to have fun, win some games, tournaments, and gather some accolades for exterior motivation--that's great. However, please know: it is not required for healing and for your self-acceptance and self-love. Climb those mountains if it feels good because you enjoy it. Not because you feel your life is worthless if you don't.
Your life is sacred and worthy and uniquely beautifully —as you are.
Please read Mary Oliver's entire poem to understand she wasn't calling out life coaches3 to use her poetry to inspire unending thrills. Mary Oliver's poem is a call to enjoy the simple meaning and actual miracles of your life:
The Summer Day
Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean—
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down—
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?
—Mary Oliver
This is beautiful and exactly what my soul needed today. Thank you!
I feel at times that I am wasting my precious life. Thank you for t his!