Etched Glass
--journal entry June 17, 1989 (page 14 in original Paperdolls: Healing from Sexual Abuse in Mormon Neighborhoods)
This is my first post on Substack, dated August 16, 2023. At the time, I was preparing to re-release Paperdolls. On her deathbed, I promised my co-author I would re-release it. We’d been working on it, since the early 2000s. Two of my childhood perpetrators because monstrous adults committing atrocities. We agreed to dedicate the re-release to two of their victims, Kacie Woody and Elizabeth Smart.
After my co-author died, there was a ridiculous amount of internet sleuths proclaiming they knew who I was. I’ve always enjoyed my anonymity, because I am so much more than a sexual abuse survivor. But, these incompetent sleuths had it all wrong. Hence my very first post, was to prove it was me. I’m the only one who could have this piece of etched glass in my home.
I still have it. I believe this message. We are all “God’s self unfolding and God’s own.” 1
As we approach the 2 year anniversary of Paperdolls.Today, this substack community, I plan again to freely offer the printed version of the book for those who need it and to those who participate in an uplifting activity which I’ll explain in the coming days.
For now, please reflect on this beautiful message from 1050 AD:
This is called "Invocation” and it’s from 1050 A.D. I found it in a church in Europe when I was a teenager on a semester abroad. I loved the poem so much I had it etched and it’s still a magnificent piece in my home. It reads:
God within me God without
How shall I ever be in doubt?
There is no place where I may go
And not there see God's face, not know
I am God's vision and God's ears
So through the harvest of my years
I am the sower and the sown
God's self unfolding and God's own.--Invocation, 1050 A.D.
I write this to you today, as a reminder, you are “God’s self unfolding and God’s own.”
This photo of the etching proves, you are receiving this missive directly from April Daniels. No one else could have it. I had the etching custom made. I am the co-author of Paperdolls: Healing from Sexual Abuse in Mormon Neighborhoods (If you still have a copy of the original book, I write about this etched glass on page 14).
Through-out these decades since Paperdolls was first released, I’ve received hundreds, maybe thousands, of notes and letters from other survivors. I read every one. I am honored you reached out. Words defy me too frequently. It was impossible to respond to them all. Please know: my heart is with you.
Always,
April
I understand many do not believe in God. I respect that. I ask that those consider this message through the lense of a “Higher Power,” “Universe” or even life force. There are forces stronger than our human understanding and biased logic.