As a little girl I longed for a peaceful, lacy coffin
Starry, Starry Night by Don McLean
As a little girl, I longed for a peaceful, lacy coffin.1 In 1971, when Don McClean’s song, Starry, Starry, Night was released, I bought the album and played it on repeat well into my lonely nights.
This stanza was etched into my young heart:
Now I understand
What you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free
They would not listen, they did not know how
Perhaps they'll listen now
Through extensive therapy, I realized I wasn’t crazy or at fault. I learned that my death would only be among many in my childhood neighborhood. And, I learned that many would never listen.
Since the book’s publication, I’ve learned that many have listened.2 Hence, I strive each and every day to cultivate my own soul, for myself. And, maybe, maybe others will see that it’s possible and start decorating their own soul and spreading more light.
Morning Pages
If you do a search on Paperdolls.Today, you’ll see many references to Morning Pages. I still do them, almost every single day. A week ago, I realized that my current journal was filling up, so I treated myself a trip to a local bookstore to find a new one. I found a pack 100 page lined booklets with Vincent Van Gogh’s art wrapped around the covers. Gleefully I bought it for the next iteration of my Morning Pages.3
Sometimes I think the universe or God or whomever has to give me special reinforcement that I’m on the right path: As I was driving home from the bookstore, Starry, Starry Night started playing on my satellite radio.
Yes, maybe more will listen. Maybe more will know that they aren’t crazy or at fault and are free to create their own uniquely beautiful life.
See Paperdolls & Cowboy Boots. The book is specifically for those dealing with the ramifications of childhood sexual assault. However, in the years since its original publication in 1992, I’ve received extensive feedback that it has helped anyone dealing with pain and loss. The story isn’t just mine, it portrays many who have healed, thrived and cultivated authentic meaningful lives.
One of the section breaks we deliberately added I Albert Camus’s quote:
“In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer."
Sadly, many have not.
You had me with the art, and morning pages.