Thank you Leon for this insightful and important post. I have revised my stance that professional therapy, evidence based therapy is the only way to heal from PTSD, or CPTSD, thanks to you. However, because of my experience, I can't imagine not have the loving guidance of a good therapist to get me through.
If anyone wants to contribute, please do so. I enjoy thoughtful insights and comments.
Thanks so much for publishing the article. I hear many positive experiences with therapists and if you can find a good one, I'm sure they are worth their weight in gold.
They are. However, I'm learning that it's much easier said than done. I think it's extremely important for survivors to know that there is hope for healing if they can't find a good therapist. Your example help others to know that they can be free.
Thanks for opening up about this confusing and back and forth experience you had with therapies... wtf though, seriously? It really seems like you were thrown around like a ragdoll, so I now understand why you don't necessarily believe in this path to healing.
"I sat there for 30 minutes trying to think of things to say while my therapist stared a hole through me" is EXACTLY how I felt when I first started therapy coming out of the clinic. I am not used to ALL attention on ME. Plus, sorry what? I just gotta talk without any prompts from you? it felt uncomfortable, but you know what? therapy works for you if you want it to work for you. I feel it is definitely up to the patient to invite the allowance in...
however, re PTSD, I don't have much knowledge... I DO KNOW and agree with you that in the end, it is your loving family and support system as well as knowing you have all within you to heal that does heal you in the end...
"I DO KNOW and agree with you that in the end, it is your loving family and support system as well as knowing you have all within you to heal that does heal you in the end..."
I agree with this sentiment--the majority of the time--however for those surviving incest and/or a family system of origin that is abusive or blaming the victim, I disagree. In those situations, victims and survivors must set strong boundaries with those sick family systems.
My therapist, helped me cultivate my own "spiritual" or "psychic" family with whom I still rely upon and trust.
Yes it’s easy for someone like me to say how important family is because I got lucky in that regard. I love the idea of cultivating your own family if you’re unable to trust your birth one.
The problem is, when a therapist turns out to be useless, they use that line of reasoning as a stick to beat their client with - “It only didn’t work because you didn’t want it to” or “It didn’t work because you weren’t ready”. It’s never “It didn’t work because I’m shit at my job”.
Also imagine being trained for several years in the grand art of sitting in a room in silence for an hour. I must found out where he trained.
Oh Leon, I have one other question. It has been my experience that many men bristle at feelings and/or expressing their feelings. It could be that I live in such a macho society that feelings are viewed as weakness or a female trait. I don't believe that at all. In fact, I think it takes a great deal of strength to express feelings. It easier to camouflage or add layers of dysfunction over pain.
Since you are male, do you think I'm off base on that? Or is one of my bias's shining through? Put another way, is it harder for you to find a therapist because of your gender?
Okay, maybe that was a one LOADED question. Or a couple of questions grouped together.
And, I know I addressed this comment directly to Leon, but if you are reading this and wish to add your opinion or comment, please do so.
Prior to joining the police, I was so sensitive I occasionally cried at roadkill... The police made me very hard inside. It was like the macho society x 10. After the incident that initially traumatized me, I still went back to the station and filled out an accident report from earlier in the night before allowing myself to cry privately on the way home.
I wanted to be a firearms officer and was told that any hint of mental weakness on my file would ruin that. I found comfort in alcohol for a while.
It took YEARS away from the police to get rid of that inner hardness, My loved ones could tell when it disappeared.
On top of that, PTSD made me unable to talk about the trauma. Yet all the therapists wanted to poke and prod at that subject. So it was doomed from the start. I didn't want to talk and was unable to do so anyway. Police generally looked down on therapists and it was just a toxic environment for so many reasons. All I wanted was to be confirmed healed so I could get back to policing ASAP.
Nothing to apologise for. I also think that men have a harder time opening up, and I found it even harder if the therapist was male. Lots of silly stereotypes in play where I felt more judged and combative!
Thank you Leon for this insightful and important post. I have revised my stance that professional therapy, evidence based therapy is the only way to heal from PTSD, or CPTSD, thanks to you. However, because of my experience, I can't imagine not have the loving guidance of a good therapist to get me through.
If anyone wants to contribute, please do so. I enjoy thoughtful insights and comments.
Thanks so much for publishing the article. I hear many positive experiences with therapists and if you can find a good one, I'm sure they are worth their weight in gold.
They are. However, I'm learning that it's much easier said than done. I think it's extremely important for survivors to know that there is hope for healing if they can't find a good therapist. Your example help others to know that they can be free.
Thank you.
Thanks for opening up about this confusing and back and forth experience you had with therapies... wtf though, seriously? It really seems like you were thrown around like a ragdoll, so I now understand why you don't necessarily believe in this path to healing.
"I sat there for 30 minutes trying to think of things to say while my therapist stared a hole through me" is EXACTLY how I felt when I first started therapy coming out of the clinic. I am not used to ALL attention on ME. Plus, sorry what? I just gotta talk without any prompts from you? it felt uncomfortable, but you know what? therapy works for you if you want it to work for you. I feel it is definitely up to the patient to invite the allowance in...
however, re PTSD, I don't have much knowledge... I DO KNOW and agree with you that in the end, it is your loving family and support system as well as knowing you have all within you to heal that does heal you in the end...
"I DO KNOW and agree with you that in the end, it is your loving family and support system as well as knowing you have all within you to heal that does heal you in the end..."
I agree with this sentiment--the majority of the time--however for those surviving incest and/or a family system of origin that is abusive or blaming the victim, I disagree. In those situations, victims and survivors must set strong boundaries with those sick family systems.
My therapist, helped me cultivate my own "spiritual" or "psychic" family with whom I still rely upon and trust.
Yes it’s easy for someone like me to say how important family is because I got lucky in that regard. I love the idea of cultivating your own family if you’re unable to trust your birth one.
The problem is, when a therapist turns out to be useless, they use that line of reasoning as a stick to beat their client with - “It only didn’t work because you didn’t want it to” or “It didn’t work because you weren’t ready”. It’s never “It didn’t work because I’m shit at my job”.
Also imagine being trained for several years in the grand art of sitting in a room in silence for an hour. I must found out where he trained.
We’ll said
pesky auto correct. No apostrophe! WELL SAID!
Oh Leon, I have one other question. It has been my experience that many men bristle at feelings and/or expressing their feelings. It could be that I live in such a macho society that feelings are viewed as weakness or a female trait. I don't believe that at all. In fact, I think it takes a great deal of strength to express feelings. It easier to camouflage or add layers of dysfunction over pain.
Since you are male, do you think I'm off base on that? Or is one of my bias's shining through? Put another way, is it harder for you to find a therapist because of your gender?
Okay, maybe that was a one LOADED question. Or a couple of questions grouped together.
And, I know I addressed this comment directly to Leon, but if you are reading this and wish to add your opinion or comment, please do so.
Prior to joining the police, I was so sensitive I occasionally cried at roadkill... The police made me very hard inside. It was like the macho society x 10. After the incident that initially traumatized me, I still went back to the station and filled out an accident report from earlier in the night before allowing myself to cry privately on the way home.
I wanted to be a firearms officer and was told that any hint of mental weakness on my file would ruin that. I found comfort in alcohol for a while.
It took YEARS away from the police to get rid of that inner hardness, My loved ones could tell when it disappeared.
On top of that, PTSD made me unable to talk about the trauma. Yet all the therapists wanted to poke and prod at that subject. So it was doomed from the start. I didn't want to talk and was unable to do so anyway. Police generally looked down on therapists and it was just a toxic environment for so many reasons. All I wanted was to be confirmed healed so I could get back to policing ASAP.
Oh Leon I appreciate your heartfelt and honest response. And I apologize for my biases assumption and loaded question.
Again, thank you for reiterating that we can heal. Even if a good therapist is not available!
Nothing to apologise for. I also think that men have a harder time opening up, and I found it even harder if the therapist was male. Lots of silly stereotypes in play where I felt more judged and combative!
GREAT insight! Thank you!!!!! You are helping shake loose those outdated stereotypes!