Three Tragic Conversations

I've had with parents & loved ones of young men who committed suicide

When Paperdolls came out, there was quite a splash in the Intermountain West. Many were offended that our book even suggested that sexual abuse happens in Mormon Neighborhoods. Many were triggered and were able to get the help they needed to heal and continue building their own authentic lives.

Many were left with questions.

There was a grief support group for those grappling with the death of a loved one by suicide. My therapist was closely associated with those facilitating the group. There were several in the group who wondered if their loved one was sexually abused as a child.

My therapist presented me a list of names. I knew many on the list. Only three men were abused with me. Relieved, I handed the list back to my therapist and told her I could only confirm three of the men.

My therapist paused for a long time. Reverently she whispered, "You were abused with 3 of these young men who committed suicide?"

Alliance of Hope was not around in the 90s. At least now, they are a resource for those survivors in such pain.

The power of her words sunk in. I cried. Three unnecessary deaths. Three young men who couldn't deal with the pain of the sexual assault they suffered as a child and as young adults killed themselves.

A few weeks later, my therapist and the facilitators of the grief group arranged for me to meet with the survivors.

I answered every question I could.

I could not answer the why. Why these young men killed themselves rather than reach out for help.

Recently, Leo Macfayden published a post entitled, Why Men Kill Themselves and What We Can All Do to Help”

Why Men Kill Themselves and What We Can All Do to Help

I added several comments to this post. The summary of my comments was that I believe many men who were sexually abused as children end up dead by their own hand. As many little boys are sexually abused and as frequently as little girls. Sexual Abuse of children is a crime of domination, and the gender of the victim is not the motivator of the perpetrator. However, the statics can not back up my belief. Statics show that girls are sexually abused more than boys. I contend those statics are low. Many never report the abuse, especially the males.

There are a lot of myths about this crime against humanity.

Sexual abuse of children means that the children are little girls is one myth I’d like to refute. I know that little boys are sexually abused just as much as little girls.

THE SEXUAL ABUSE OF CHILDREN IS NOT A FEMALE PROBLEM.

To those men who bristle at the mention of this horrific crime against children, I ask, "Why?" And, in the back of my mind, I wonder, "Were you sexually abused as a child and can't even think about this crime?"

My plea, please start thinking about the ramifications and the damage done to our children by perpetrators torturing and dominating the innocent.

Conversations with loved ones grappling with the suicide of their loved ones is much harder than talking about and acknowledging the reality of childhood sexual abuse.

By openly having conversations about this "uncomfortable" subject, maybe one day, we will be courageous enough to start demanding its eradication from our sick society.