The Meaning Behind My Pseudonym
April + Daniel = April Daniels
The obvious meaning for April is:
April Showers Bring May Flowers.
I chose this name because of all the tears, which is represented by April’s showers. Yes, the symbolism is for survivors. The tears and pain of dealing with the trauma of the sexual abuse will bring beauty. In Paperdolls, I write about the devastating lesson in my Beehive Class1 It was a dumb analogy of ripping off petals of a flower to teach girls Chasity.2 I am acutely aware how much I love flowers, still.
When I chose my pseudonym, I chose April because it represented the tears and the pain of healing and how worth that healing is—because of the flowers. Paperdolls has always been for other survivors. As Karen Fisher prompted me, “Showing the healing process from beginning to end.”
For survivors, April represents the pain, the tears, and the showers yielding the flowers.
The obvious reason for Daniel is the biblical story of Daniel and the Lions’ Den. When I was a little kid, my father read to me each night. One of my favorites was “The Bible Stories” we had all the volumes that looked like this:
A couple of my favorite stories were3: Moses floating down the river, Joseph and his multi colored coat, and Daniel and the Lion’s Den.
There was another, more personal meaning for me for the “Daniel.” After my brother Tom died, my brother Byron and I would take long drives at night. We never spoke. I was a young teenager and he was in graduate school. Gas was cheap4 so we frequently just drove around. I made a mixed tape5 of my favorite songs, and we listened to the music and watched the stars appear in the sky.
I had Elton John’s greatest hits album, and the song “Daniel” was my favorite. I added it to the mixed tape about 3 times, so we didn’t have to rewind.
As we drove, I pictured Tom as the Daniel in the song:
Oh, and I can see Daniel wavin' goodbye
God, it looks like Daniel
Must be the clouds in my eyes….
Lord, I miss Daniel
Oh, I miss him so much….
Oh, Daniel, my brother, you are older than me
Do you still feel the pain of the scars that won't heal?
Your eyes have died, but you see more than I
Daniel, you're a star in the face of the sky
I pray my brother’s scars have healed. Mine have. And, I thank him for that. The rest of the meaning of my pseudonym is for you. April to remind you of the beauty to come. And, Daniel, to remember you can survive the lions den. 6
Beehive Girls were about 12 years old
I was aghast when Elizabeth Smart told me she had the same lesson. However, she also told me that she believes they don’t teach that anymore. I wrote about the conversation in the epilogue of Paperdolls & Cowboy Boots.
There is a definite theme of my childhood favorites: I loved the stories of escaping, surviving and thriving.
About .57 per gallon
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mixtape
My childhood conclusion to Daniel’s story is that he became beloved by all. However, there is no biblical reference what actually happened after Daniel survived. But: I’m positive he was like Joseph and Moses, who went on the rule the world.