Stewing about the Snake Pit

Another precursor to "How to handle the Snake Pit"

My sincere apologies on this delay. I am in the process of forgiving myself about trying to do too much too soon. I really thought I’d have #3 to you sooner, much sooner. But as I’m learning: old beliefs that need some sanding and shaping, take a bit to time to get right.

David Hardy and I are still on track for the post of “How to deal with the Snake Pit.” He’s even going to share some of his experiences in challenging large institutions for allegedly (memorize that word folks) covering up predators’ behavior.

As for me, as you know, I was set on survivors needing to heal before going public or initiating legal actions against their perpetrators and/or those who enabled them. Until....I went to my hair stylists last week.

My hair stylist knows David Hardy

My hair stylist is a friend. When David Hardy first reached out to me in 2018, I wasn’t comfortable meeting with him by myself. Laurel couldn’t make it, so I called my friend, my hair stylist. For more on that initial meeting, see approximately page 328 of Paperdolls & Cowboy Boots.

Last week at my hair appointment, one of the first things my stylist asked me was, “What’s going on with the article you and David are writing?”

I explained some of the details and the delicate balance we are trying to maintain.

I reiterated my solid, or so I thought, belief that survivors must have a certain degree of healing before they go public. Then, I heard the story of her brother.

Briefly, my hair stylist’s brother was sexually abused by a school teacher. After his mission, and when he was an adult, he sued the school district for not dealing with this well known pedophile in that school district. He wanted to make the district accountable for their lack of response and basically ignoring the egregious acts this teacher committed on a number of students.

His case went all the way to the Utah Supreme Court. Then her brother lost on a legal technicality.

I was literally holding my breath as my stylist told the rest of the story. I was expecting her to say, “He was devastated, he’s never recovered from that further betrayal....”

Nope.

Of course, after the Utah Supreme Court kicked it out, her brother was disillusioned and discouraged. Then, he was a peace. He knew he’d done everything he could to speak out, name the perpetrator, and force the school district to make changes. He did everything he could and he’s gone on to live a fairly beautiful life.

Of course her brother’s life isn’t perfect, it’s had the normal hardships and challenges we all face. ¹

So, I am modifying my stance, again. I stand by the article about needing to heal. But, who am I to say one must reach a certain degree of healing before one speaks out?

The only thing I know for sure is that silence is NOT the answer. And, my ah-ha moment a few weeks ago still stands. I formerly apologize to anyone I advised to heal and not speak out. Speaking out can be healing.

Howling with the Sirens

Henry, my KGB dog, howls when he hears a siren. I think he wants to join in the alarm.²

I’m here to tell you, my beloved survivors, you are my “pack.” And, I’ll howl in the background in support of you sounding the alarm. That, I know for sure.

Now, David and I are still crafting this one. I feel like I’m “Stewing” about it. Taking more time because I had a set belief for years: heal yourself, avoid the snake pit, and to hell with the perps.

Now, I’m enhancing and revising my stance.

As before, if you want to just heal and create your own beautiful life, I get it. I totally support it.

But

If you want to go public, sound the alarm and start the emergency sirens going, I’ll be howling right with you. I support you.

It will take a bit more for us to craft this article for you. Thank you for your patience and especially your patience as I revise and enhance my old, somewhat outdated beliefs. More soon.

1. “Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult ―once we truly understand and accept it― then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.”
—M. Scott Peck

2. https://vhavets.com/blog/why-dogs-howl-at-sirens/