"I'm Here! I'm Here."
"I may be poor....I might even be ugly...but Dear God, I'm here! I'm here!"
Yesterday was my birthday. My real birthday. To those who have been following our story since the early 90s, the first 3 editions of Paperdolls, my birthday was changed to a date in April.1
In 2003, after a glorious day of skiing, I was watching the news (like almost everyone else in Utah) about the miracle that Elizabeth Smart was found. And she was alive. Then, I saw the photo of her perpetrator when he was younger—and knew him. As a kid, I never knew his name. But, I knew him. He was one of my abusers.
After that, when Carol and I decided we needed to release the update2 We decided to switch that date we listed as my birthday to my real birthday. It was quite significant that Elizabeth was found: On my birthday.
My Birthday Now
Nothing extraordinary happened this year. A simple, relaxing day. I was coming down from a walk on the Bonneville Shoreline trail, and I thought of the scene in The Color Purple, when Celie leaves her abuser. As the car is pulling away, she exclaims,
“I’m poor
Black3
I may even be ugly.
But Dear God
I’m here.
I’m here.”
I’m Here.
Stay here is my sincere wish for you. Stay alive. You can heal. You can create your own meaningful and authentic life. If I can do it, so can you.
This was in response to Karen Fisher’s concern, especially for my siblings, that significant details, dates and the like would easily identify them. She had a great deal of hope for them and didn’t want them boxed in a corner they couldn’t get out of (Her words, not mine). To respect her wishes, we edited and changed many identify details and dates.
We joked that it was like the “Old and New Testament.”
I am not black, but I have profound respect for Alice Walker, Maya Angelo, Toni Morrison, Margret Atwood and a slew of other black women who have suffered tremendously and risen above the ashes to live and speak of overcoming, love, joy, and so much more. They inspire me and I thank them for their words and their lives.