Honor Yourself
Take Credit for your Own Glorious Healing
Last week I did another media junket with Chris Yadon the Managing Director of SAPREA. One of the questions I was asked was about the success of Paperdolls through the years and particularly the responses I've received from other survivors. I tried to explain how touching and humbling it is to receive feedback, letters and emails from other survivors. I stumbled with my words, because it's such a profound experience. I tried to convey how each person's situation is different, but I feel a similarity and a bond with other survivors. It's hard for me to verbalize, because many survivors have endured pain much worse than what I experienced. It's humbling, profound and somewhat sacred for me. Maybe it's because our struggles and triumph's are so similar.
Many veterans speak of the bond they have with other soldiers with whom they fought.1 , 2 Possibly the bond I feel with other survivors is like that. However, during the filming, I didn't want to come across as if my book or writings take any credit for other survivor's healing. I might have talked too much trying to explain but I continued, "I can't take credit for other survivors healing, but it's nice to know that maybe some survivors gained courage or inspiration from my words and it helped them continue their work and continue their own healing process."
Chris Yadon was animated when he added,"That's exactly how it is with SAPREA. We try to set the environment for survivors to do their own work and continue healing, but we can't take any credit for it."
Healing and recovery is difficult, but oh so worth it. I cannot state this emphatically enough: Please acknowledge your own growth and healing. You did it! No one else. You might get snippets of inspiration from my writing or possibly from your therapist or even an insightful moment at a SAPREA retreat--but it's still your choice to take those moments and use them to continue on your own recovery and healing.
This is all yours, let that sink in. You've done it!
Upside-Down Perspective
Because I've been known to minimize my own work and triumphs. I think other survivors might do so as well. If you are in that place, possibly a slightly different perspective will help you see your own triumphant work.
If you've read Paperdolls & Cowboy Boots you'll know that I like to sketch and draw. It's nothing professional but I do it for myself. It helps me see what's what. Sometimes when I draw I don't see things correctly. My eye automatically connects things like they should be, not how they actually are. There's a trick that artist's do when they start seeing things as they see them and not as they are: they draw the subject upside down. Then you really have to see the lines and the connections. You don't "make up" how you think it should look.
In the Betty Edwards art book, Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain, Betty provides an upside down Pablo Picasso sketch of the 'Portrait of Igor Stravinsky.'
An upside down perspective on taking credit for your own glorious healing is to think of the opposite. An opposite example of healing is the Nuremberg trials3 after WWII. Many Nazi Officers were tried for their atrocious crimes and claimed, "They were just following orders."
That justification doesn't hold up. Those convicted Nazi Officers who literally committed crimes against humanity had a choice to follow those horrific orders or not.
Otto Ohlendorf, the former commandant of Einsatzgruppe D, was sentenced to death for the murder of about 90,000 Jews, Roma, and Sinti after admitting that he had ordered his men to kill children as well as adults. His defense was simple: he was just following orders.4
DARVO
Another opposite, upside-down example that is probably more apropos to survivors today is DARVO. I explained DARVO in great detail in this post. Many perpetrators blame the victim for their actions. The old "the victim pushed my buttons so I had to beat 'em up" argument.
Remember, the perps are responsible for their own actions, just as the Nazi's were responsible for their own actions--even if they were "following orders." And you my beloved survivors can take credit for your own healing and building your own beautiful life.
With all that said, please know I am extremely grateful for the notes, support and encouragement. It helps me simply by realizing the profound bond we share. Thank you and please always, give yourself credit for all the amazing work you have done and that you are doing. And, if you decide to do so, never be afraid to share your triumphs!
https://steemit.com/army/@mohamed-shebl/bond-between-soldiers
https://www.zmescience.com/medicine/genetic/kinship-warrior-soldier-532543/
https://www.nationalww2museum.org/war/topics/nuremberg-trials
https://www.facinghistory.org/resource-library/obeying-orders