Freedom
I don't know much, but I do know that if I can do it, you can. Life is beautiful and worth living. You can be free.
Do conspiracy theories, regardless of how outlandish they might be, help bring the problem of childhood sexual abuse to the attention of the public at large? I don't think so. Yes, people are talking about childhood sexual abuse, but in the next breath the subject gets discounted as being promoted by nuts and extremists. Childhood sexual abuse is not an outlandish and extremist conspiracy. It's everywhere.
As the late Dr. Paul Whitehead wrote in his introduction to Paperdolls in 1992, "...sexual abuse of children....is a fact of life."
The prevalence of childhood sexual abuse is rampant. There have been many victimized by it. It seems that the majority of our untreated population is in mortal fear of it. That's probably why an outlandish conspiracy theory gains traction.
"It's not a right or left issue" is a slogan used by The Policy Project. I applaud them for their efforts to bring more awareness to the issue of childhood sexual abuse, helping accentuate that it's not a political issue, and even promote legislation in Utah to help educate children about sexual abuse.
The Policy Project helped get SB205 passed. SB205 provides "instruction on child sexual abuse and human trafficking." Here is a copy, to review:
I have hope for the deployment of this bill. I think it can help educate children in schools (aka "local education agency” or LEA). Because I support the Policy Project's slogan about sexual abuse of children not being a political issue, and that we need much stronger laws to protect our children, I attended the Policy Project's celebration of this passage of this bill.
I smiled at the dancing and celebration. Every single step to help educate and bring awareness to this toxic issue is important and worth celebrating.1 I enjoyed the speakers, especially SAPREA's Chief Relationship Officer, Cynthia Gambill.
Cynthia congratulated everyone on their hard work. Cynthia has a slight accent and she mentioned that some might notice it. Then Cynthia reminded us all that the only way we can keep working to eliminate childhood sexual abuse is if our country remains free.
Profound.
In 1989, when I started aggressively dealing with the trauma of my childhood, the Berlin Wall fell. I was dating a guy from Berlin. He went home for the holidays and danced on the Berlin Wall on New Years Eve. He brought me back a piece of the wall. Privately, I've always compared the Berlin Wall coming down to my own propped up denial system. The walls of my hallow reality fell at the same time the Berlin Wall fell.
In the most painful stages of my therapy, I cried to Karen and asked "Why?" Why do I have to deal with this?"
Carefully, lovingly, she said, "For then you will be free."
I met a skier from Russia. I wrote about him in Paperdolls & Cowboy Boots 2. He escaped the USSR. As we were taking the ski bus down Big Cottonwood Canyon after an epic ski day, he was vibrantly describing "Freedom." He told of his family members being captured in the middle of the night, never to be seen again, and his harrowing escape. Then, he grabbed a few flakes of snow from his ski jacket and threw them in the air exclaiming, "Nothing compares to freedom. Not even the fluffy snow of the rocky mountains."
I recently read a book called, "I Must Betray You." It's historical fiction, but well researched and well written. I couldn't put it down. In many ways, what those abused and imprisoned citizens experienced in Romania, is similar to what an abusive family is like. Fear is dominant. It takes a lot of professional therapy for one who has grown up in a trauma filled home to realize the majority of people are good and the world is a safe place. I don't know if those held captive behind the iron curtain had to have extensive therapy, if they still fear shadows, or if they view the world as a beautiful and good place, like the Russian I met on the ski bus in 2008.
I do know that if a victim/survivor does not get professional therapy, there are many aspects of their abuse that presents itself through-out their lives. I have been in a few sexual abuse survivors groups. It's very common for those who were abused as children to pick out abusive partners. It seems ludicrous. Why would someone who has experienced so much trauma opt for more trauma as an adult?
It's familiar. Familiar is a derivative of the word Family. Some in my groups even said that it felt like "Chemistry." One of the therapists in my group said, "I think chemistry is unfinished business."
I wondered about all these things, and more, as I waited for Cynthia Gambill of SAPREA to return to her table at the Policy Project's celebration of the passage of SB 205. I wondered, if a large population of people, like a whole country such as Romania in 1989 is suddenly free, what will it take for them to be really free? To realize that life is beautiful and people are good?
What does it take for one sexually assaulted as a child to heal and realize that life is worth living?
Professional Therapy. And more. Freedom.
I don't know much, but I do know that if I can do it, you can. Life is beautiful and worth living. You can be free.
My co-author's husband spent untold hours on the hill at the State Capital lobbying and successfully getting the votes for numerous bills to help survivors of sexual assault. One of note, was extending the statue of limitations for survivors of sexual assault. The statue changed so that a survivor could bring charges against their perpetrators 10 to 20 years after they recognized the abuse. At the time, I could have brought charges against many of my perps because I had only recognized it and dealt with it 3 years prior. (In another post, I'll write why I chose not to do so. Hint: I wrote a book.)
When I let David Hardy read the sections of the book where he is mentioned by name, we met for lunch. He granted his approval for everything I wrote about him. He also told me that some weird behind the scenes magic happened that changed those statue of limitations Norton, my co-author's husband, so earnestly worked on getting made into law. I don't have all the details, and if you want the legal analysis, there are a couple of attorney's (David Hardy and Craig Vernon) who know the ins and outs of that mysterious statue of limitations alteration.
It’s discouraging. I still have faith. I believe that it will take many fronts to attack and win the ongoing battle against childhood sexual abuse. The legal aspect is extremely important. Jail time was the consequence that finally got Hank to stop. Laws and legal ramifications are extremely important. I commend all who are fighting to help children with lobbying to change laws and those who prosecute the pedophiles.
See Paperdolls & Cowboy Boots, approx page 265